Miss AP’s Diary – Knicker Novice or Sexual Sophisticate
Are you a Knicker Novice or a Sexual Sophisticate?
Every day I am inundated with countless tweets, letters and private Instagram messages (of varying degrees of seemliness) from a privately pent-up female population.
Though the messages vary wildly (today it could be a bridesmaid looking to treat the bride on her hen, tomorrow it could be a stripper showing me the inner workings of her latest fringed playsuit – thanks for that one, @MistressVixenXXX), I find the women fall into two distinct camps:
1. The Knicker Novice
2. The Sexual Sophisticate
The Knicker Novice may have an underwear drawer full of ill-fitting t-shirt bras and turquoise cotton thongs to her name, but what she does not realise is that she has the world of seduction at her feet. When the trembling ingénue tells me of her cold sweats at the idea of being measured, or her utter terror at being garrotted by a small strap of studded red elastane, I tell her this: YOUR TIME HAS COME TO GO FORTH AND SPLENDIFY.
The Novice should look to the Classics to begin her journey into sexual enlightenment. Tried and tested, these are the starting gears of the lingerie journey. Road test a set such as the Jena, which will wrap your body like a sumptuous satin bow, or the Maddy, which treats your admirer to a flicker of nipple and a flash of fuchsia satin – and before long you’ll be revving up a few notches to the next gear, at which point the fun really begins.
‘Fourth Gear’ is the domain of the Sexual Sophisticate, who has been steaming along in cruise control for a while and writes to me because she’s searching for a new thrill. The Sexual Sophisticate has been there, done that and bought the dip dye tassels, and now she is looking for new terrain to conquer. To this goddess I answer thus: STRAP IN, HOLD ON TIGHT AND PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN ON THE ACCELERATOR.
A sophisticate is no stranger to the allure of an ouvert knicker, but she may be surprised how an ouvert playsuit can open new doors to pleasure. The Lacy is like having her body licked by lace and slivers of satin, whilst the Bullet comes with a detachable lead for when she’s ready to be taken on a new adventure. The Sophisticate is always willing to play dress-up, but even she might not have considered the extremely female pleasure of being cinched into a corset before playtime, or perhaps disguised behind an eye mask to enhance the feeling of the great unknown.
Whichever one you are, dear reader, you must never despair once you have crossed the fragrant threshold of an Agent Provocateur store. Your fun is just beginning.