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Miss AP

You’ve got a Cheek

It’s amazing what you can find on the Internet. For example, just the other day I managed to discover the key to sex appeal in 2012, just by hanging around on Pinterest and typing the word ‘sex’ into the search box.

Want to know what it is? It’s your ass. 

Oh yes, the derriere is back in a big way and you can forget about ever asking again ‘does my ass look big in this?’ – the only question that matters is ‘does my ass look big enough?’ 

Pages and pages of peaches came up when I looked up sex on pinterest. Round white bums in cotton boy shorts. Tanned bums flecked with wet sand. Big Latina bums straining under suspenders. Not so much as a hint of a nipple or a flash of a thigh to be found in the landscape of visual carnality. 

Why has the booty overtaken its bodily peers as the focal point of sex and sensuality? Some claim it’s down to the gravity-defying exploits of celebrity vixens such as Kim Kardashian or Nicki Minaj, who have helped re-kindle our primordial instinct for a perfectly proportioned posterior. It’s not as though it’s anything new: the ancient Greeks worshipped at the temple of Aphrodite Kallipygos, Goddess of the Beautiful Buttocks, and the famous case of the Hottentot Venus – where a woman was brought to Georgian London from Africa to be paraded around on account of her ‘continental shelf’ booty – show that this is a long-standing fascination.

The butt, clearly, is nothing new.

What’s new is the myriad ways in which you can enhance it. Butt lifting underwear, silicon padding, ass implants – all rather expensive and extreme if you ask me. I like to think a great ass is all about the knickers you wear.

Those with flat bums should wear high-cut boy shorts so their little cheeks peek out underneath. A pear shaped bum should wear a low slung French knicker. And no ass big or small ever looks anything but spectacular in the Cendrillon brief.

So there you have it. Maybe add a little rouge to make it look lightly spanked, pull your stockings up high so they touch the bottom of the cheeks and you’re ready to be a one-woman Pinterest fantasy.

Til next time,

Miss AP xx

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